BECKONING
by silk1
Summary: Continuation of ABANDON ! The Day is now.Chapter 9 up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Firefly is property of Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon, the brilliant puppet master! I own nothing except my imagination......and that's fun!

NOTES: Well ... This is a continuation of Abandon I never intended to write. But some bunny tossing mad- woman from the Jayne group..... kinda triggered that pesky, moody muse of mine. You know who you are .....so thank you!

I hope this does not disappoint.

**BECKONING**

Prologue

"Do you trust me?"

Her voice is shaky, lips slightly parted. She breathes through her mouth in tiny, wispy gasps.

Its cold.....for some reason it has become very cold. Her breath hangs in the air like tiny, feathery clouds of smoke.....when did the temperature fall so rapidly?

"Do you trust me?" she whispers again, her voice taking on an urgent, pleading tone.

Her pale face hovers over him like the moon, her eyes impossibly wide and round....like puddles of darkness in all that whiteness of smooth skin. Long strands of dark hair fall over her shoulders and over his face where she is leaning over him.

_Do you trust me_ .....

The one question no one should ever ask him, because he cannot answer it.

He's never been big on the trusting side, never .....This will be no exception.

"Issues" doesn't even cover the extend of his conflict with that one tiny word....trust, the whole concept of it seems to be beyond him sometimes.

He knows her body, her skin......smell, taste, the feel of it underneath his hands. He has never touched her like that, not really, not out there in there real world.

Still ....he knows how those fragile fingers can play over him like playing an instrument, knows that those lips are the softest thing that ever touched him.....here, not out there.

He knows all that, but it does not imply that he knows her.

He let her in......knowing that even though she touched him ...here, she could never really touch him, because it was not real.

No matter how often she had told him that it doesn't need to be real to be true.

Whatever they shared here ...he thought it would have no hold over him....not out there.

Deep down, he knows how wrong that was, how presumptuous......too late now.

_Do you trust me..._.....

For the first time Jayne Cobb is in doubt how to answer that question......

MAYBE......

His eyes narrow as he looks at her, trying to hold on to the thing that ticked him off just now ....her face, it's all wrong. Everything is wrong, it's cold.......it should not be cold here.

"What's goin´ on?" he growls, his voice still raspy from sleep.

That's when it hits him. He's not asleep.

This is not a dream.

There is a crunching, rustling sound in the ceiling above them, like a big, fat snake sliding around on pebbles or sand and they both look up.

Her mouth forms a worried little "Oh".

He is already reaching under his bed for a gun.

Suddenly that one question she asked, gains a new weight.....

The soft, warm skin of her arm brushes up against him, as she stumbles back. It's just as smooth and supple as he remembers, Jayne realizes, grinding his teeth. Not real ...but true ....

"What's goin´ on here?" He hisses at her, trying to keep his voice down.

She turns around, looking him straight in the eyes.

"The thing you thought was going to happen ...." River Tam says huskily in that sweet, sing- song voice of hers.

Jayne stares back at the girl in annoyance.....should have known that if she could appear in his dreams, his wildest fantasies every gorram´ night, she was just as able to peek into his thoughts.

For some reason it does not even bother him that he knows exactly what she is referring to.

"Bout me wakin´ up next to you for real, ya mean?"

She nods, listening intently to the unnerving sounds from above.

"That day is now......"


	2. Some Day

DISCLAIMER: Same old...not mine ...yadayada

NOTES: I realize these chapters are shorter than what I use to write, but ......it suits this story! Have fun kiddies!

**Someday**

"Not quite the way I pictured it ..!" Jayne tells her, unable to keep a chuckle out of his voice, checking the gun in his hand while reaching for a shirt with the other.

"Not the way I planned ......either..." River whispers more to herself, looking up at the ceiling again, her eyes roaming over the steel as though she can see the movement above them just as clearly as she can hear the muffled sounds. For some reason Jayne can't help but snicker over it. Of course she'd have a plan for that ....tricky as she is.

He pulls the shirt over his head, securing the gun in his pant- holster, glad he was too tired to bother with completely undressing before he fell down on his bed.

"Wanna tell me what all this is about?"

Having her here in his cabin dressed in nothing but her flimsy, white nightgown that looks so strangely displaced in this century, is more than irritating.......

She's here for real, in the flesh...not some vision from his dream, not some mindbender she set him up on .....

And she looks and smells.....and feels just like in his dreams. Not real ...but true ...

Gorram´girl always has to be right, no matter what the occasion, Jayne grudgingly admits to himself. Moves just like in his dreams too, but he knew that before.

The way she turns to him again with that easy, effortless grace that is so characteristic to all of her moves has him mesmerized for a second. It's a natural thing, not conscious, that's what makes it so much more appealing.....

He snaps out of it quickly at the impatient, no- nonsense look on her face.

"Marauders ...." River whispers, putting one finger over her lips to emphasize the need to be quiet.

"What?"

"Marauders .....Picked us for an easy game."

Jayne snorts at her dismissively, reaching for his knife.

"Well ...they got that one wrong. Pretty sure Wash picked them up on radar long before they..."

"Didn't come with a ship." River interrupts him softly, looking at the ceiling again and back to him. "Crawled on board.....like snakes through the vents, slithering in the space between....to murder sleep.....just like that."

"How do you always know this kind of stuff?" It should creep him out, a voice inside his head tells him determinedly, but strangely enough it doesn't bother him right now.

All she does is shrug those appealing shoulders. "I just know..."

"When?" Jayne asks doubtfully, suddenly fully aware why she asked him whether he trusted her. Not on a whim, not for sport or game or the sake of baiting him .....

"Yesterday, when we were in town buying rations."

"On Ikarus?" She nods without looking and Jayne can't help but notice how nicely her dark hair slides over her back with each movement.....like it has a life of its own.

Jayne curses harshly in Chinese, sliding Binky into its sheath. Grabbing her arm firmly, he spins her around to him. Her look is neither surprised nor appalled, just open and attentive.

"You knew?" he hisses at her, grinding his teeth in an effort to reign down his temper.

"And you didn't make a peep? Why? Did you loose your tongue all of a sudden? Usually ya´ can't keep that ruttin´ mouth shut! You didn´t think that was a vital piece of information for me or Mal to have?"

She doesn't try to pull her arm out of his grip, even though his fingers dig into her skin hard enough to bruise. Instead she slips her hand under his elbow, looking at him with something close to frustration and impatience in those dark, startling eyes. Even now she's lovely ...

Every word is chosen carefully, weighed and measured before it rolls off her tongue.....for his benefit.

"I could not tell. I did not know how to make you understand. I did not have the right words....they escaped me."

"You do now!" Jayne states in exasperation.

"Yes...but they're not mine." River admits softly, hesitant to go further.......it still takes getting used to. It's almost a rush and she can't give in to it now.....maybe later....maybe....

"I found a way ...to....."

He looks down at her, waiting. He might know her body, he realizes, but he really does not know her at all......let alone understand her.

"I borrowed....from you." River finally says. Jayne frowns at the small girl in confusion. He sure as hell didn't notice anything going missing. Damn her .....Mal was going to have his hide if she'd managed to make off with a gun again!

"Borrowed what?"

She looks at him, biting her lip like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar. It was an endearing thing to see, Jayne notes with irritation.

"Sanity...."

Jayne's mouth falls open and he stares at her, aghast. She did not just say that ....

This better be a dream! But he knows it isn't ....this is not how they spend their time in his dreams!

"Oh ...you gotta be kidding me!" he growls as low as he can, still trying to be quiet.

"You not messin´ with my mind enough as it is?"


	3. Borrowed

DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE !!! All Hail Joss .....bring on the great movie!!!

NOTES: Sheesh...took me forever! The muse is unwilling and very lazy!! Still I tried my best and hope I managed to make it a little funny.....

**BORROWED**

There is a smile in her face, somewhere between amusement and satisfaction about his acknowledgment that her actions indeed affect him and for an instant Jayne isn't sure whether to laugh or to yell over the smug look on her pretty face.

"Couldn't you just go and borrow that from someone else, like your brother? Bein´ a smartass that he is, he'd have plenty of that too spare, wouldn't you think?"

He leans down to bring his face closer to hers, to better loom into her wide brown eyes.

"Cause judging from the mess we seem to be in, I kinda have the sneakin´ suspicion that I need my sanity for myself right about now!"

River's eyes follow some unseen movement in the ceiling again, before she shrugs her shoulders at him. Almost as though she does not quite follow his course of reasoning, like she has her own opinions about that, but feels it might be better if she kept that to herself for now.

"No....you were the only one close enough!" she tells him, patting his shoulder in a reassuring way. He watches with rising irritation as she moves past him towards the ladder under the hatch.

"Hey, hey, hey ...not so fast, Where do you think you're goin´?"

He manages to grab a hold of her wrist before she can start to ascend he ladder.

River turns, looking at his hand curled around her wrist, then to him.

"We don't have time for this....now." she says quietly and with emphasis, seemingly almost bewildered that he does not understand the need to act.

"Oh ..I think we'll take the time for you to explain exactly what the gorram´ hell you did to me and how that's gonna affect ... me!"

She sighs, giving him another very impatient look.

"I told you ...I borrowed from your sanity. So I could function and help. If I didn't you would not know about the danger...."

She definitely makes more sense to him now, that's for sure. He can understand her. She has still a weird way of speaking and phrasing things, but at least it's not the riddles in which she usually speaks. Now that he thinks about it, there's a really disturbing thought crossing his mind.

"What do you mean I was the only one close enough? I would not have been so close if you had not sneaked in here in the dead of night!"

River looks at him, arching an eyebrow as though to drive home the point that he damn well knows better ....that it's not really physical closeness she was referring to.

"We gotta stop them ...now. I sealed the vent- exits before I came down here to wake you, but that will only keep them for so long. They will have some difficulty forcing them open......not enough space to manoeuvre. Should slow them down...that's why they make the slithering noise, like a snake that can't shed its skin"

Jayne presses his lips together and for a moment it looks almost like a pout. The girl has some nerve; first leeching on the contents of his brain and then talking to him like he´s the child!

Still she looks at him with that imploring trust, like she knows he´s gonna do it......

"Fine..." he finally growls, grabbing Vera from her place under the bed.

"You stay at my back, let me go first ...if you get shot, Mall's gonna have my hide!"

She smiles at him, stepping aside so he can squeeze past her. There's hardly enough room for him to get past and his thighs brush up against her for a moment.

The contact brings back flashes of another kind of contact......

Of breathy, whispered words.....encouraging and coaxing, the alluring softness of her pale, pale skin......the scent of her silky hair......

Jayne mumbles a curse under his breath and tries to think of other things.....like the marauders trying to take over Serenity....at least there's gonna be someone who'll have the full benefit of the frustration he is feeling now!

"Are you sure?" he asks at the top of the ladder. Better make sure before he opens the ruttin´hatch.

"About what?" She looks so darn innocent, standing there with one hand on the ladder already, returning his inquisitive stare with wide eyes.

"bout them not havin´much space to manoeuvre in the vents."

"Very tight space, makes you very slow ...even if you crawl. Hardly enough space for me when I crawl through ....!"

Jayne narrows his eyes at her, but as usual there is no sign of mockery or deceit in her face ...she means it. Somehow the idea of River Tam sneaking her way through Serenity in the vents makes him even more uneasy.

"Why do I even ask?" he mumbles to himself. Preparing to open the hatch.

"We have a bond , you know."

"No we don't !" Jayne hisses petulantly, unable to believe that he´s still bickering with her like this even as he sticks his head out through the hatch in order to scan both sides of the corridor.

It hardly seems to disturb her.

"That's why I can lean on your mind, borrow from your sanity to support the integrity of mine. We have a bond ....a connection because of the dreams." She continues in an explanatory whisper.

They both glance towards the bed for an instant, then Jayne shakes his head to clear his mind.

"Can we focus on that other thing now for a moment, River? You ...know that situation where some people are trying to take over this ship and murdering us in our sleep?"

She shrugs at him, still smiling happily and for a moment, Jayne can't help but think that she is enjoying herself.

"Can I have a gun?"

"NO!"


	4. Semantics

DISCLAIMER: Like I own any of this ......sheesh

Notes: Thanks for the nice reviews ...They make me poke at my stubborn muse.

SEMANTICS

Jens Gotsche was having kind of a bad day. It hadn't started out bad. He and the rest of his crew had sneaked onto the Firefly alright, with no sign of the crew knowing what business was up...as usual for him, Bane and Katey. They had pulled the jig a hundred times, no reason for thinking this ship would turn out to be different. They had waited patiently until the noise aboard had started to die down, lying low as usual ....they had gotten through the vents in no time. Everything running all sweet and fine according to plan....which was exactly the reason why- thinking back on the job- Jens could not quite figure out when and were things had started to go so very wrong. And goin´south with baffling speed they sure were.

Thinking back on it, Jens figured that the moment their plan was seriously starting to go downhill might have been the moment they had decided on that exact ship....or maybe when he realised that he had been spending almost half an hour on the attempt to pry open the vent- exit without the gorram´thing budging even an inch, only to find out that his companions weren't doing much better at their ends.....or maybe the moment when he heard the distinctive metallic sound of a gun being cocked.

" Havin´some trouble there, mate?"

The picture that greeted Jens when he looked up was not a pretty one. A tall, bulky man stood a few feet away from the vent- exit, holding what had to be the biggest gun ever seen, pointed squarely at his head. The expression on his face was grim and it got a whole lot grumpier when another, much smaller person tried to catch a peek of Jens and his activities around his broad back. The girl was wearing a nightgown. Wide, dark eyes took up most of her face as she arched her brows, smiling at the man with an almost triumphant smirk.

"See I told you ....no getting out for them. Did I do a good job?"

"Won't make me give you a gorram´gun !" the man muttered to himself, his eyes not leaving Jens for a single second.

From the marauder's perspective, lying flat on his belly in the vent at about knee-level, the angry man with the gun looked about twenty feet tall....looming above him like an avenging angel. Even taking into account his perspective, Jens was sure that the grumpy one was still pretty damn tall.....

" Spoilsport!" the girl said, crossing her arms in front of her chest while she shot the man a petulant look that turned into a playful pout.

"If you really thought I'd hand you a weapon.....that sanity thing ain´t workin´out all that good for ya´ after all..." he said, still looking straight at Jens with a dismal expression, the barrel of the gun pointed at his face nice and steady. Jens knew better than to move ...the grumpy giant looked as though he had loose trigger-finger and apparently the girl seemed to aggravate him just so much. If that thing went off....he'd be short one head.

"He's the leader...." The girl said with nod in his direction, after a moment of staring at him through the grating of the vent in an eerie, almost creepy kind of way that Jens did not like much.

"How's that sanity working out for me now?"

"You sure you secured those other exits just as well?"

"On my life...."

"If y ´all wondrin´what I'm doin´here ....I could try to explain...." Jens whispered, feverishly thinking of some way .....any way...to talk his way out of his current situation. But then again...there really was no way of explaining – apart from the obvious, now was there?

He could try to reach for his own piece, but the sheer size of the gun that was being aimed at him and the expression on his captor's face told him that might be a very unhealthy idea. He could feel the sweat beading on his brows, forehead and lip.

"Shut your trap!" the giant barked dismissively.

"Now ...River, why don't you go get Mal, while I make sure our friend here stays where he is?" he said with an impatient sneer at Jens.

Malcolm Reynolds had the strangest dream. It involved River Tam hovering over him, blocking his vision completely with the unending masses of dark brown hair that fell over her shoulders like a shiny waterfall. She was talking excitedly at him with that soft voice of hers – which sounded quite pleasant if she wasn't screaming and raving like a madwoman, mind you.

She was talking and talking on and on, delighted with herself like a kid at her own birthday party; smiling and talking away while waving her small hands animatedly to emphasize certain points. As to what she was going on about, Mal really had no clue. He didn't quite catch the gist of her tale, indeed he understood not a word. But in his dream it didn't faze him much....in fact he was more fascinated by the carefree nature this River was exhibiting in his dream. It was all very well until she started poking at him and telling him to wake up already.

" Captain.....Captain, are you awake?" she asked, poking him in the ribs once more as though she was determined to push her finger through his flesh and out the other side of him.

Where did such a tiny girl get so much so much strength, really?

"Are you awake, Captain Reynolds?"

"I am now!" Mal grumbled, jerking upright the second he realized that River was not a figment of his imagination, but that she was indeed standing in front of him in an old fashioned white linen nightgown that would have done his grandma proud.

"You wanna tell me what you are doing here, all alone .....when god fearin´folks are trying for their well earned sleep? Where's your brother?"

"In his bed." River answered unperturbed in a conversationally tone of voice, as though that was the obvious answer, but completely irrelevant. "Jayne however is up in the kitchen, pointing a gun at the boss of the marauders who were trying to take over this ship and probably planning on murdering us in our sleep."


	5. Repose

Disclaimer : I don't own …you know that ….

NOTES: Thanks ( you know who you are!) For reminding me to get my muse off her lazy ass and back to work! I ripped straight from her grubby little hands! Also , thanks for still reading and enjoying my stories so much! Honey, you´ll never have to get on your knees to keep me writing! But it means a lot that you would! THANK YOU!

**REPOSE**

Mal blinked once, shaking his head to chase away the last remnants of sleep that were desperately clinging to his mind.

She did not just say that, did she?

Naw …she couldn't have.

"Come again?" Mal mumbled, rubbing his eyes furiously.

River tilted her head to the side slightly, looking at him from behind the dark strands of hair falling over her face. Frowning, she thought that they didn't really have the time for an in depths discussion, so she opted for the short version.

"Marauders on Serenity, Jayne and I tricked them, but you should come and be in charge …"

She said, already turning away from him. "You might wanna bring a gun." She added almost like an afterthought.

Mal's eyebrows shut upwards as he lunged off the bed simultaneously, grabbing for her. He ended up on the floor at her feet with a sliver of her nightgown in his left. River froze, one foot already up on the ladder, staring at the captain with a furrowed brow.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her voice sounding neutral and calm enough to make Mal wonder…..really wonder. Gathering himself up off the floor, Mal squinted at her from under lowered eyelids. He pursed his lips, looking her over once more.

Something was definitely not right……

"See now, I think at this point I should be the one askin´ that kinda question. So, before we do anything else you might wanna give me a hint as to why you suddenly speak in full sentences that I can actually understand."

For a moment she just looked at him and then the strangest thing happened; Mal could watch her whole face light up like candle and something close to amusement crossed her features.

"Oh ...you mean, why am I suddenly not crazy anymore?"

Mal looked at her, a little taken aback at how forward she was on the subject of her mental status, but he recovered quickly.

"If that's the way you like to put it. Yeah …that'd be a good start."

"Actually …" River frowned slightly, biting her lip. "Actually I'm still crazy, if that's what you want to call it ….I just…." She stopped, her brows knitting together in her attempt to find the right words. "I just recently found a way to stabilize , at least for a certain amount of time. I do not know for how long I will be able to keep it up, but at least for certain periods of time …I think I can bring order to the chaos, if you will. It's kind of strange because the answer was there all the time …"

"Well, shiny …so what answer might that be?" Mal asked a little confused.

"Ohh ….basically it's …Jayne." River answered with a little shrug.

Jayne …Jayne Cobb? It took a moment for the information to register.

" JAYNE?" Mal sputtered. Now drugs, that would've made sense, but Jayne? River Tam definitely was crazy!

"You might wanna elaborate on that one."

"We really don't have the time now..."

"Oh, I think we'll take the time for you to explain to me how exactly Jayne Cobb is the answer to your mental stability problem, River!" Mal said, a deep furrow developing between his eyebrows. He could feel a massive headache gathering itself being his eyes, almost like a storm cloud.

She sighed, stepping down from the ladder. On equal ground, she had to raise her head to look up at Malcolm Reynolds.

"It's hard to explain, really. I guess you could say I'm borrowing some of his stability, his mental capacity to back up mine. You could say, I'm leaning on him to sustain my sanity …kind of like a crutch."

Mal could help but chuckle at the idea of Jayne being compared to a crutch, but managed to disguise it as a cough. Judging from River Tam's facial expression, she didn't buy it one bit.

"Borrowing from Jayne's mental capacity, ha?" Mal finally said, trying to hide a snarky smirk "Now I don't wanna burst your bubble there River, but you really think it's a good idea to be leanin´on Jayne of all people? Don't get me wrong, if this really helps with you bein´crazy and all ….I guess I should say that's a good thing, but Jayne ain´t really the smartest person on this ship. If you catch my drift…"

River looked at him silently for a few seconds, thinking very carefully about how to phrase her thoughts. The smile on her face was gone, leaving a serious, glum look on her features.

"Have you ever eaten an orange, captain?"

Mal frowned at her in renewed confusion.

"It's been a while, but… yes…."

River nodded, taking a deep breath. "To get at the fruit, you have to get rid of the peel first. In a way, our mind is like an orange. It has its own …peel, to protect the interior from being chewed up. What they did to me ….at this place…"

"The academy?"

"Yes." River nodded, gnawing her lip, looking at her feet. Suddenly her voice sounded much smaller, less collected. "They ripped that peel from me, you know, to get at the juicy bits …to get to my mind. They ripped it from me piece by piece, slowly, deliberately, until there was nothing left between me and the world."

She took another deep breath, looking up, straight into Mall's face. Her voice became a breathy whisper.

"Can you imagine what it's like, to not be able to stop thinking? What it's like to have the entire outside world cave in on you, come rushing down like a waterfall without end in sight? To see everything, feel everything, to know …everything. And it never stops!"

"River …" Malcolm said quietly, in what he hoped sounded like a soothing tone of voice. There was something in her eyes, something frantic and haunted that made him weary. He reached out a hand for her shoulder, but River shrank back from his touch, stepping out of reach. She shook her head.

"No…" she said, calmer than before. " Drugs cannot put that peel back together, nothing can...it is gone. It does not grow back, just like the orange's peel will not. But I think I found a solution …for periods of time, at least."

River crossed her arms in front of her chest, hugging herself tightly.

"You say Jayne is not smart, and that is true …but only in certain terms. In fact he has a very strong mind, strong enough to give me this edge. He thinks differently, in some ways …I cannot explain it, but….I can use a part of his mind like a wall. It shields mine from the outside, filters the noise and the emotions ….it keeps them from me, so I can sort through. It helps me think."

Mal pursed his lips again, looking at River Tam long and hard.

"It really works for you?"

She nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off him.

"What's Jayne thinking about you hijacking part of his brain?" he asked, trying to hide a smirk again.

River countered with a mischievous smile. "He's not too happy about it. He thinks of it along the lines of me leeching him dry, until his brain is mush."

Mal couldn't help laughing about that idea, shaking his head while reaching for his gun-belt.

"That'll be the day…" he muttered. Then he became aware of the girl's interested expression.

" Somethin´wrong?" Apart from the obvious preposterous situation …he added in his mind.

"Jayne wouldn't give me a gun…" River told him, the amused smile back on her face.

Mal's eyebrows jumped upwards again.

"Well ain´t that a comfort? Seems you haven't leeched away all his sanity so far!"


	6. bargaining

DISCLAIMER: Oh …I'd love to won them, but they all belong to Joss!

NOTES: SORRY..It takes me a while to get the muse moving lately! I'll try to make amends!

**BARGAINING**

„ Now give me one good reason why I should not shoot the three of you on the spot? " Malcolm Reynolds said, looking at the three marauders in front of him. Sweaty, surprised und clearly shaken the two men and one woman didn't really look all too threatening. But Mal knew, that if their plan had succeeded his crew would be truly and goodly dead by now. God knew how many a ship they had already taken over and sold to the highest bidder.

"Ahh …", the leader said, giving him a smirk. "Well ….technically we didn't really do anything."

Mal exchanged a glance with an obviously disgruntled Zoë.

"Ain´t that a comfort." She said, her gun still steadily at the three of them.

" Tell you what …" Mal said in a very cheery voice, slowly advancing on them. " I'm gonna do you a favour. I won't shoot you, I'll just sit you down on that planet we almost passed. How's that sound?"

"Nahh ..I still think we should shoot them!" Jayne drawled, Vera still aimed at them from where he was leaning against a bulwark in the cargo bay.

"Not really surprising, is it?" Simon remarked without looking at the mercenary.

Kaylee shot the doctor on uncomfortable look, hugging herself like she felt cold. In fact the thought of what the marauders had been up to chilled her to the bone. She still had not completely recovered from the ordeal Juble Early had put her through only a few months ago.

"You …you gonna let us go?" the female part of Jens Gotsche´s team asked wide eyed.

" In a manner of speaking." Zoë answered, giving her a malicious smile.

" Yea…." , Mal alleged. " See now that planet down there might not be the warmest welcome for …really anyone."

-

" You …you can't leave us here!" Jens Gotsche yelled, his eyes jumping from Mal to the Blizzard that was raging just beyond the open freight ramp.

"Wanna bet?" Jayne asked with glee, wigling his eyebrows. River peeked around his broad frame, watching the marauders intently. Simon could not help but feel nervous about the close proximity between Jayne and his sister. Something was off there ….Jayne did not seem to mind her in the least and that by itself was very strange…..but River was also calmer and more collected than he had seen her in quite a while.

"We'll die!" the woman said, already shivering.

" Wash?" Mal yelled into the intercom.

"There is a settlement about sic miles east of our current position. They should be able to reach it by nightfall." The pilot responded promptly.

"We're not the killin´ kind my crew and me. Several heads turned, eyes glanced in Mal´s direction in mild mockery. Even Kaylee gave an ironic snort.

"Unless of course somebody's been trying to kill us first." Mal added, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, or tries to steal our stuff …." Jayne added impatiently.

"Or our ship…" Zoë cut in.

"Right …and don't forget the time somebody tried to kidnap River." Kaylee said.

"Yes, that man is very dead." River said, nodding empathically.

Mal stared at them for a moment, sometimes it really blew his mind how quickly this group of people were ready to undermine his position while he was trying to prove a point. The marauders were throwing each other nervous glances.

"Fine then, ", he ground out, " we do occasionally kill ….bad guys."

He arched an eyebrow, waiting for the crew to comment. When none came he gave the marauders a satisfied smile. " You heard my pilot, few miles in the east ….now get the hell off my ship before I rethink the not shootin´you part of my elaborate plan!"

-

Mal watched the hatch close slowly, holding his secure footing as Serenity rose back up into the air with a familiar swoosh. He was ready to address that other thing now….the one where River seemed to have found a way back to normalcy. Lots of explaining to do there and Mal wasn't quite sure how to go about the whole thing or how he really felt about it yet…

But when he turned, ready to give everyone another speech his eyes fell upon her face….the split second before all hell broke loose.

It came out of nowhere, but it hit River with the force of a freight train. She could feel the sting off the strike across her face, so much that she didn't even notice going down.

The blunt force of it made her ears ring, made her stomach turn with nausea from the sudden loss of her sense of balance. She lifted her arm up over her head, as though to fend off another blow…even though in a very far away part of her mind she knew there would be none because none of this was real. Nothing more than a superimposed memory, a lively one…a shameful one …and by no means her own, but none of it mattered. She could feel the pain, she could feel the imprint of a big, red palm rising red above her skin. She could hear the deep rumbling voice, the menacing shadow looming over her.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your food, boy?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, unaware that everybody was staring at her in shock ….unsure of what was going on. All but one, who recognized the familiar situation.

"I'm sorry….Daddy?" she whispered in the smallest, saddest voice.

"River .." Simon fell to his knees next to her. "River …what's wrong?"

River shook her head, trying to swallow past the nausea and the tears that stung in her eyes. She look up at him with wide, dark eyes to see him grind his teeth in barely controlled anger.

"Get out of my head, you hear me?" he yelled at her, his hands balled into tight fists. "Get out of my gorram´ head, damn you!"

She had no idea what it felt like to him, or if he even felt it at all. To her it was like cutting a tightly wrought net, severing all the cords that kept her upright….and the world spun out of focus again. Jayne stormed past her brother, not looking at any of them. Mal exchanged a confused look with Zoë while Kaylee stood next to them, worrying her lower lip.

" What was that all about, River?" he asked carefully, but the girl just squinted up at him, shaking her head until her hair fell into her face in thick, shimmering waves. Simon wanted to help her up, but she dodged him on insecure legs, pulling herself upright with an effort.

"Don't …don't …it´s gone. Sense …..light, gone now." She shook her head again, raking her hands through her hair. She looked very pale, and very, very sick.

"Delved …to far, too fast ….no going there…where I should not be. Never meant to swim all out, until no more shore to see …."

The change from her almost composed behaviour only minutes ago shook Malcolm Reynolds, even though he did not want to admit it to himself. The difference was startling and drastic.

"You might wanna take your sister back to the infirmary, check her all out?"

-

Jayne stumbled into the mass around midnight, she was sitting there in a weird sort of crouch on one of the chairs, talking to herself. He had been ready to walk away right then …the idea of fscing her, of facing what she had dredged up from some dark cavern of his mind ….the whole thing didn't sit right with him. He had already turned around, but then found that he could not walk away either, with her strange whisper in his ear; so strangely reminiscent of the whispers he had heart from her in his dreams.

Not real …but true ….

He knew that fragile body inch per inch , knew the sound of her voice …the feel of her …

" You locked it up…" River said wistfully, watching him with the one dark eye that was visible.

"What?" Jayne asked her in a very irritated tone of voice, squaring his jaw.

River crossed her arms in front of her chest, staring at him like a sullen child.

"Locked it up tight….behind a big, big door with hundreds of locks, and then you threw away the key. Thought that might make you safe. You think I broke it, door and lock ..cause I don't have the key. But I didn't !"she shook her head for emphasis, throwing her head back to look at him straight. " I didn't break it down …wouldn´t , couldn´t ….didn't even know it was there. I passed through like a ghost before I knew ….like I stumbled into your dreams when it all began. She opened her arms, holding out her palms as though to show they were empty.

" I did not mean to pry ….have enough bogeymen of mine own, you know?"

She made a sound low in her throat that sounded almost like a bitter, angry laugh.

Jayne looked at her, for the first time realzing how much more he liked when she was sane …

Not that sanity would make River Tam any less strange, …oh no, Sir. But still …

"Guess we're both of us pretty much screwed then, ha?" he growled, pulling out a chair before he knew what he was doing.

For a moment River gave him a look that could almost be considered ironic, before she started gnawing on her lip so hard, Jayne thought she might be drawing blood very soon.

"Wish I could …do that. Just lock it all up, all away in a box or in a room to never enter…..to never get it out…ever."

Jayne raised an eyebrow at her.

"If you're so gorram´smart like that brother of yours says, why don't ya´?"

River looked at him again, her eyes so dark they seemed almost liquid, the shadow of a sad smile hovering on her lips for a heartbeat.

"Can't ….that door has no lock:"

Jayne pursed his lips, nodding to him, thinking. A part of him had already reached on conclusion, but there was another, maybe saner part that told him to beware. Finally he leaned forward, setting his arms on the table.

"Now ….crazy girl, listen to me and don't even be thinkin´about interrupting me. So shut that trap, got it?"

River's eyes narrowed for a moment as she opened her mouth and the shut it again with a plop. It faintly reminded Jayne of a fish. She gave him a suspicious scowl, but remained silent.

"Right, now I've been thinkin´…." he shot her a warning glance, daring her to say something. When she didn't, he smiled to himself. "I don't want you traipsing around in my mind all the time. Creeps me out a bunch, no pint in denying it. But then again, you probably already know that, like you know pretty much everything with that giant brain of yours. And there really is no point in me having this conversation with you, since judging from that look you givin´me; you probably already know everything I wanna say."

A look of confusion passed over her face and Jayne realized he had somehow gone off track.

"Anyway …seeing as to how you need to borrow from me or whatcha call it, cause even I can see that you're more use to us with your mind working…..There will be no snooping around my brain and I sure as hell don't want you in there all the time, get it? Because, believe it or not, but from time to time I'm actually doing a little thinking by myself."

He looked at her long and hard, raising an eyebrow in her direction. River remained still, though to Jayne she looked a little shifty….like she did not like being silent und sitting still.

"Here's the deal, little girl, I don't think I want you knowing everything about me." He finally said in a grave tone. River looked at the table, and then nodded very slowly.

"Good …" Jayne said, moving to rise when suddenly she spoke without looking in his direction.

"You don't like to go back there." She said quietly, softly. "You love it, love them ….but you don't like being there. You fear …being there …you might be sucked into what you fought so hard to escape….that ….is not your life. You don't want it to be…"


	7. Dare

DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE

NOTES: Sooo Thanks to Wen and Tory I gave my muse the wake-up call! Sorry I left you hangin´girls! Also thanks to everybody who reviews and thus keeps me poking at my lazy muse! It´s time for a new Songfic soo…..Dare you to move is from the very cool band SWITCHFOOT!

ENJOY ..Next Chapter more fluff!

**DARE**

Jayne stared at her for a moment, frozen as the words, the meaning of what she had said slowly sunk in. He took a deep breath.

_Welcome to the planet_

_Welcome to existence _

_Everyone is here_

_Everybody's watching you now_

_Everybody waits for you now_

_What happens next ? _

_What happens next?_

"Now, what did I just say?" he asked her with a dangerous edge in his voice. "What did I tell you about snoopin´around …"

River shook her head, the movement sent the shimmering strands flying around her shoulders.

" Didn't ….It's just …there, all over you." She said slowly, looking at him openly, watching him as though she was waiting for something. "It's okay …I understand. I ….don't want to go back either, wouldn't want to be dragged. A house full of expectations, filled to the rim like a cup ready to spill ….it's no home. Simon feels it ….to him it's like breaking from prison, not living there….even if he does not know."

Jayne ground his teeth, still looking at her. She spoke in pictures, he realised. She painted these pictures with her words that were really meant to say something else, like symbols or code…

"You don't want to be dragged back in either, scared it might bury you under it …suffocate you, make you numb …"

"Stop it …" He shook his head, moving his hand over his face in weary gesture. Suddenly he felt tired, too tired to be mad at her even. " …we both know you're right, so just…"

He knew exactly which memory of his she had been reliving that moment. Though there were many similar ones, he just knew. And now the gorram´girl had him thinking and he did not like it one bit. His father had never been a cruel man. A hard one, yes, a loud man who did not like being contradicted and would not take words from his children, but not deliberately cruel. Jayne had realised that once he was old enough to grasp how hard his father earned their keep. He had also been old enough to know with deadly certainty that this would not be the kind of life he wanted to live …ever. He'd made that choice for himself being very young.

Thinking of it now, it reminded him of the years he had watched his father's spine bow slowly, his hair turning grey, his hard, calloused hands loosing just a little of their strength. He had been a bear of a man, with legs and arms thick as tree trunks, but the welding, the factory had slowly worn him down. He had seen the light in his father's eyes die slowly until they had kept that same dull stare every time he'd come home. He could still see his mother leaning over the iron oven for cooking, bowing over the tub used for washing ….her hands had always been red from the harsh soap, never soft like …The touch of her hands had been gentle enough, but the angry red colour had never quitegone away. And the coughing ….stronger in his brother than his father, but still always there like some sickening background noise. The fumes weren't lethal, welding did not kill you like that, but it was a creeping sickness. It might kill you ever so slowly, but kill you it would. He knew his grandfather had coughed up black bile for years until it had turned red as blood. Coughed up his own lungs in the end, he had. The guilt of leaving them behind in search for a better life had never quite left him, even if Jayne didn't like to admit it. That's why he sent the money, showing his father that even if he was gone, Jayne Cobb was still sure as hell doin´ his part for his family. But nothing would bring him back to this slow death, at least a bullet would kill you clean and good, just like a knife.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut for a minute. When he opened them again, she was still sitting there, still unmoving. He could see she was trying to keep her face empty as he pushed all those thoughts and feelings way back into the dark recesses of his mind where he usually kept them. Neat and safe, locked away. Jayne Cobb was still a mercenary; a hard, mean man without a conscience …..Yeah right.

"Gee, that was unpleasant!" he growled at her without humour, guessing she might understand he was referring to the memories he had just managed to get under control. All her ruttin´fault anyway. " What now?" he asked in a challenging tone, lifting an eyebrow at her silent form. " I may not be the smartest guy, but looks to me like you're waitin´for sumthin´."

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to move like today never happened_

_Today never happened before_

A tiny shiver went through her, like a cat shaking itself. She raked her fingers through her hair, making it all tumble into disarray again. How did the doc ever manage to get anything done, he wondered. He had to be running after her with some sort of brush or comb most of the time to disentangle all that mess.

She shook her head at him again, a small scowl on her face.

"You're not stupid, not like that …..Not like you think, not at all." Her eyelids fluttered and she pressed her hand to her forehead, rubbing vigorously until the skinturned red in an attempt to concentrate. " Your mind works …different, it's the edge …what I use to block that door, to keep the things out, the pillar that blocks the door, keeps it closed when …"

He frowned at her, not sure he got that at all. Didn't matter anyway…..as long as she did not think he was stupid. "Right .." he answered simply, which made her roll her eyes.

"Can't explain …" she breathed.

"But it's a good thing, ha?"

She nodded again, letting her breath out in a deep, relieved sigh. "Very good ….not at all bad."

_Welcome to the fallout_

_Welcome to resistance_

_The tension is here_

_The tension is here_

_Between who you are and who you could be_

_Between how it is and how it should be_

"Right…" he said again, crossing his arms in front of his chest once more. She was still sitting there, watching each of his moves from behind the curtain of her hair. Jayne couldn't say why exactly, but that stare made him somewhat nervous.

"So….anythin´ else we need to clarify here, I'd sure like to go back to my bunk and …."

"Take my hand …." It wasn't more than a faint whisper, so very quaint and fragile - if a sound could be that at all. Yet there was a longing, a breathy quality of something close to hunger in her voice. She reached out her arm across the table and for a moment Jayne just stood there, looking down at that delicate, pale hand lying open in the table, palm upwards. For some reason it had become quite a mesmerizing sight. In his dreams had been soft, so very soft ….and now a part of him very much needed to know if her skin really was that soft….how it would really feel.

I_ dare you to move_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to pick yourself up off the floor_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to move_

_Like today never happened_

_Today never happened before_

He pulled the chair towards him with a grunt, meeting her eyes with a steely gaze that could send grown men scrambling for cover. Her expression did not change, she just watched him with the same careful look in her eyes. His hands were so much bigger then hers, he remembered that now, as his hand reached for hers across the table. He picked her hand up carefully from the surface of the table, as though it could shatter like glass. Her skin was just as soft as he remembered from the dreams, but much colder and completely relaxed….like she had no bones in those fingers. He looked at their hands, hers being close to being swallowed by his rough fingers. Then he looked up as River's breath went in and out with a tiny gasp. For a second her head dipped backwards and he thought she might faint, but she lifted it right back up, suddenly sitting less hunched, opening her dark eyes to look and him. And suddenly, just like that …she was different. Jayne did not know what to say or do, so he just sat there and watched as her eyes seemed to fill with a different kind of light.

She swallowed, and smiled at him. Then she leaned forward, clasping her other hand around his. "See…." She said quietly, " …together the two of us are more than we are apart"

_Maybe redemption has stories to tell_

_Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell_

_Where can you run to escape from yourself?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Where you gonna go?_

_Salvation is here_

_I dare you to move_

_I dare you to move_

"Whatcha mean?" he asked suspiciously, noticing how raspy his voice suddenly sounded, like his throat was parched and had been for days. And there she sat, all cool and calm and so collected, as though she had never been anything else. Her hands were still clasped around his much bigger ones and he could feel her smooth skin covering his. For a second the thought flashed through his mind how things had been in those dreams ….how she had been. How the soft touch of those hands had been able to quiet a storm, just like him. How when she whispered, everything around had become quiet, still, so very still….everything. And kissing her would be like taking in the essence of that quiet, that calmness, like a cool, sweet drink of water.

She smiled at him, just the tiniest bit more, and her hand very still on his.

"Together we cannot just be of use to this ship, this crew …but too each other. Together we are better, smarter, stronger ….but we cannot be afraid. Don't be afraid Jayne…."

He gave a snort, pulling his hands away, but she did not let go. "I ain´t afraid of nothing!"

"I am …" she said quietly, looking down at their hands. That caught him off guard.

"I am afraid this might take me over and consume me like wildfire until there is nothing left of me to burn. Just like you are worried where this might lead you, that it could spin out of control….we have to trust each other."

"I ain´t very big on the trusting side, little girl."

She smiled again, shrugging her small shoulders.

" I know, but we could make this work. Together we could be like …gravity. I dare you ….to be part of this ..To see what we can do….together."

"Why would I .."

"Because you could never resist a challenge, Jayne Cobb!"


	8. Allure

DISCLAIMER; Same old …me not own anything, kind readers …..

NOTES: It's been a while. Here's an offering to appease, not much but it might help

**

* * *

ALLURE**

Had him there, she did. He looks at her and she lifts one of those fine eyebrows as though to emphasize the challenge. Smiling at him like the little minx he had found her too be. Jayne can't help but shake his head with a raw chuckle, getting up from the table, pulling his hand from under hers. It's a fleeting and yet lingering sensation, her skin sliding over his as he draws back.

"Think you know me that well, do ya?" he rasps, walking about two paces. He turns around to look at her, to where she still sits unmoving at the table, her little lily white hands still on the table top. She says nothing, just looks. The answer could not be more obvious, she's been inside his head….is to some degree even now. She knows that even if there's a challenge he doesn't like, he'd never back down out of sheer stubbornness…..not even if it might kill him.

Simple, fool-hardy macho-pride ….

Can't run from a dare by a lil´girl ….now can you?

The smile blooms on her lips, he can watch it grow…..it always starts with the left corner of her mouth curving upwardsjust a littleuntil the rest of her lips catch up. It's a thing of beauty, he realizes just now. Gotta see that smile more often, even if it still seems to hide something ….something he can't figure out …

River rises from the chair, the chair scraping over the floor as she does. He watches her walk over to him like a ghost, like she´s drawn by an invisible string. And suddenly she has never been more approachable, seemed more real to him than now. She stops right in front of him, invading his personal space but right this moment, Jayne doesn't care. She smells sweet and clean and he kinda likes that. He watches her putting her hands on his chest for support as she rises on tiptoe with a dancer's ease. And she puts this one chaste kiss on his mouth. Just a small, but firm press of lips. Then she looks at him, right into his eyes and smiles …..

He'd kissed her a thousand times in those rutttin´dreams, even if he usually does not much care for the kissing part with others …with her it had something fresh, something apart ….

The real thing might be different. It's the last thought in his head before he leans down to grab the back of her neck, his fingers tangling in the mess that is her hair….

It's nothing like in the dreams and now he understands……the dreams were true, but this is real. She tastes of plums, fresh and ripe ……if he remembers correctly, cause it's been a while since he ate one. Hard to come by fresh fruits like that once you're out in the black. But somehow, she tastes just like that……of plums and cinnamon and cream and other sweet, forbidden things. He briefly wonders if that makes it all that sweeter. Her drawing a breath is the sweetest sound…..  
He can't tell later how they end up against the wall, lips fused together, hands roaming and fumbling all over the place. She sure as hell knows some things she should not know…..probably plucked them right from his mind like apples. Her skirt rides up on her slim legs where she is caught between the wall and him, but she doesn't seem to mind. He follows the cloth with one hand over all that tantalizing paleness. It should make her look sick, maybe close to death being all that pale, but it doesn't ….it makes her look untainted and pure, even if the way she grabs at him is everything but. He grinds into her unconsciously, knowing she can feel him through those several layers of clothing ….and that's when it hits him ….Stop…..Stop…..Gotta stop now before all kinds of badness ensues.

"Stop…." He actually manages to groud out the words, so close to her ear that the low vibrations make her shiver. Jayne can't help but take a little pride in that. He leans his hands against the wall for a moment, breathing heavily, closing his eyes only to look at her face when he opens the again. River stares at him, sort of mesmerized, her lips red and slightly swollen, then she nods and he steps back …

"We'd better get back to sleep" …it's all he says. She smiles, nods again.

"I'll leave you then …" she whispers and he has but a second to comprehend what she means. River leans her head to the side, eyes fluttering shut, her shoulder pulling up slightly as though she tries to work some tension out of her neck. She shakes her head like a wet dog, and then ….she's gone. The girl blinks with a look of confusing in her face, looking around.

"Back to normal things are going …too late for little girls to be out alone." She sing-songs with a sweet smile at him, before she skips out of the kitchen.

"Good night moon, good night stars, goodnight Serenity, goodnight Jayne…."

And just like that she is gone. It makes a part of his heart lurch and it bothers him a bunch to see her change so quickly from the smart-mouthed, all too wise for her years, strangely alluring girl to full on loon mode in the space of a heartbeat…..

Still, he can still taste plums in his mouth…..and for once he does not care if it's real or just some idea she might have put into his head. He likes plums …and she'll be back, smart-talking the hell outta him …

He sure as hell still can't stand her puny idiot of a brother, but judging from now ….he sure does like the gorram´girl ….


	9. Chapter 9

DISCLAIMER: It all belongs to Joss. I only own my imagination.

NOTES: I have a stressfull, time-consuming job. I hardly have time to write anymore and I hate that. But sometimes the muse awakes ..hope you like!

DRAGONSLAYER

„_How should we be able to forget…."_ She whispers ….from far, far away, but still so close that he can feel her skin covering him like warm snow. He can feel her breath, coming and flowing like the tide. She takes him places he has never seen, places where the tide pulls back the ocean beyond the horizon…..leaving the ocean floor bare and exposed …like her.

Her voice ranges from breathy whisper …to pleading whimper….to full fledged, joyful laughter. A cacophony of swelling sound that is almost music.

It's distracting him from what he means to do…to her, to all that revealed skin ...running his lips and hands over it all.

"_Those myths that are the beginning of all people's myths about dragons…." _The last word is a sigh, drawn out and fragile like brittle glass shivering in the air.

It had taken him a week to understand why he had trouble sleeping. The dreams were gone…the dreams of nimble limbs and soft skin. It had taken him another week to understand that it bothered him more than her brother's snooty babbling.

She's nothing but a breeze, the slightest touch of cool air, yet she returned to his mind with the force of a thunderstorm….erasing any coherent thought he might have harboured about how she knew ….he'd missed her like that.

He'd never say, she'd never tell……they'd both just pretend. If words weren't spoken, did it make things less real?  
Her fingers run through his hair, over his shoulders, kneading his back …..So sure of what to do, so sure of when to do it. He's past wondering how she knows what makes him tick, makes him growl and pull in his air with an almost evil hiss.

" …_that at the last moment turn into princesses."_ Her hair tickles him, where it falls over his chest in the dark ….like liquid night.  
She's the grass that bends under the clear, dark sky when the storm comes…..bending, never breaking. Knowing how to live to fight another day. She should seem small and frail above him, underneath him, next to him…with that soft voice lulling him into compliance. Her form is ….her body, but she is not.

"_Perhaps all the dragons in our life are princesses…."_  
He has no idea what she is going on about, not a clue …..But he likes listening to her voice, while her dainty hands coax reactions from his body. He likes the taste of her on his lips, like sweet forbidden fruit or candy.  
_"…princesses who are waiting to see us only once …"_  
The thoughts never came…not even in the dreams; not even now when her breathy whisper makes his breath catch in his throat…..when the fleeting touch of those hands makes all his muscles jump and twist.

The dreams came back ….right after he realised that he had missed them. Right after he had started counting the hours he waited for sleep to come after their …agreement? Truce?

Her way of not cowering in a corner, her way of not waiting to be saved like a damsel in distress…..was being here with him. Something they could not take away from her …no matter how hard they tried. She was still a girl …she could still do this….she could still feel….all of it. The way she let herself fall over that edge, hurl herself off that cliff without a moment of hesitation, not even the slightest quiver of doubt or regret …..Trusting him with her body and every breath, simply blew his mind. She trusted …where he did not trust himself.

" …_to see us only once beautiful and brave." _

The way she looks sometimes gives him thoughts of fairy-tales, of princesses and dragons…..with her head tilted back and her lips slightly open when she sighs in delight. She might look the princess. Took him a while to get…. that she did not want him to save her, did not expect it either. Hell...he should have known. River Tam might look the part, but she was not the princess…

Tiny little soft-spoken girl …..Clothed chain mail and helmet……

She might need a little back-up along the way. But she'd save herself….like any good dragon slayer.


End file.
